


A Fistful of Silence

by lostindetails



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bromance, Developing Friendships, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship is Magic, Gen, Hoemance, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Death, OFC-centric, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love, Wry Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 08:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3350843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostindetails/pseuds/lostindetails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Had it not been for Mariko's, Yamanaka Matsu doubted things would have ever changed. Needless to say, she was very grateful. Canon AU, Shiori-verse. OC-centric.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fistful of Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hermionechan90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermionechan90/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Inoue Shiori](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1100064) by [Hermionechan90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermionechan90/pseuds/Hermionechan90). 



> **Disclaimer:** _NARUTO_ belongs to Kishimoto-sensei, not me. I just like to play around with his characters. I would also like to take this opportunity to state that the tea house concept is not mine. Mariko’s, along with Shiori, Ai, and Sora belong to _Hermionechan90_. Credit to _The Glitch Mob_ for providing me with a title (and badass ambience) for this story.
> 
> **Dedication:** My wonderful friend, **Hermionechan90** , was kind enough to give me permission to write this one-shot with cameo appearances from Ai and Sora and even a quick mention of Shiori herself. Thus, I would like to dedicate this story to her!
> 
> To the sweetest person I’ve had the pleasure of collaborating with—thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to pick your brain and explore the AU Naruto-verse you’ve masterfully created. You are such a star!
> 
> **Notes:** This was originally posted on [ff(dot)net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10916640/1/A-Fistful-of-Silence), but I thought it would be wise to post it here too.
> 
> As an aside, I will be adding to this in the future. A few people have politely requested it, so I’ll probably add another chapter or two depending on how things go. That’s the main reason there are some characters listed in the tags that have yet to be seen in this chapter. Rest assured; they will be making appearances in later scenes.
> 
> I consider this to be kind of like a spin-off of sorts from _Inoue Shiori_. Unlike the original story, it doesn’t feature any romance. I consider it to be more of a “slice of life” fan fiction story more than anything. This story delves into Yamanaka Matsu’s background and her relationships with a cast of both original and canon (mostly support or filler) characters. I wanted to explore the possibility of how a place like Mariko’s would affect a troubled shinobi and perhaps be the catalyst for her opening up to the idea of healing, and that’s how the idea for this story was created.
> 
> Just a quick reminder to those of you who were uncertain as to how things might work out with this collaboration between Hermionechan90 and I—because I was curious to see how people would react, and I _did_ read through quite a few reviews—Matsu is _not_ a major character. So please don’t jump to conclusions.
> 
> The focus of the original story is on Shiori, her family, her business, and how her presence has ultimately affected the Naruto-verse. To be frank, Matsu’s inclusion shouldn’t be that much of a big deal. As Hermionechan90 has said, she will only be appearing in a few scenes. Matsu has a role to play, but it’s otherwise very minor when compared to Shiori – _the main protagonist_. I only ask that you keep that in mind.
> 
> The idea that Shiori is helping a kunoichi she doesn’t know without realizing it amuses me greatly! It really is such a fascinating concept, and I hope everyone enjoys reading it. I definitely had a lot of fun writing it!

**A Fistful of Silence**

_"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."_ — Havelock Ellis

* * *

 

Had someone asked her what she thought of death years ago, she would have simply intoned the lessons she had been taught since she was a small child. Death was a part of life. It was neither abhorred nor feared, but accepted as absolute. The life of a shinobi was tumultuous and fleeting because of the everlasting dance with death. It was a gruesome ideal, but tradition.  
  
When her mother stumbled her way through the gates earlier than expected and ceased breathing in her uncle’s arms, she wept openly for the woman who had patiently coaxed her out of her shell. When her father left for the Land of the Sea and did not accompany his team home three weeks later, she shed many tears for the man who had raised her to be honest and to be proud. When her teammate’s throat was sliced open before her in broad daylight, she screamed herself hoarse for the young man that would have given her everything had she returned his affections. And when her sensei held her as she sobbed, the words spilled from her tongue like poison. _“Why couldn’t it have been me?”_

* * *

 

For a long time, all she saw was darkness and then the brightest of lights invaded her senses.  
  
Matsu wanted to throw an arm over her eyes, to shy away from the glaring light, but her body wasn’t doing what it was told. It was heavy – everything was heavy; her entire being felt like lead, clumsy and impossible to command.  
  
“You finally awake then, Yamanaka? Good, good.” A familiar sultry voice filtered through her muddled brain and instinctively she made to sit up, but was pushed back down with unnatural ease. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Fear prickled at her mind, whispering things she did not want to consider. Matsu was uneasy and just a little scared.

“Lay down.” She wanted to resist the command, but was unable to do so. It took her a moment to feel the thrum of her sensei’s chakra tittering with amusement from somewhere close by, but once it registered that she was safe she relaxed.

What was going on? Where was she? How long had she slept?

Matsu thought long and hard, trying to scrounge up what little she remembered, but her mind was just as sluggish as her body. The Intelligence Building, maybe? Down in _the Crypt_ deciphering the most recent coded messages received from shinobi sent out abroad on long term missions. Exhausted, but easily combated with extra cups of red tea and one or several soldier pills. Beads of sweat gathering at her temples, she had been thirsty and hungry and tired. Stubbornly, she had kept to her work. Just one more message and then she would go home and rest. _One more…_

Now here she was propped up in a cot for her troubles. She drummed long fingers against the railing with a discreet sign of ‘report’ and gave Nabe-sensei her full attention. Onyx eyes flashed in annoyance, and Matsu sensed her impending doom almost instantaneously. Nothing good would come from pissing the tetchy Akimichi off, especially now that she was pregnant and overly hormonal.

There was a certain steely edge to her voice when she finally deemed it necessary to answer. “You’re in the hospital.” Nabe-sensei signed with her fingers as she reached up to tap her chin, telling her she had fainted from a severe case of chakra exhaustion, and that she was a _fucking idiot_ for pushing herself too hard.  
  
Matsu grimaced. Okay, so maybe she deserved that. “Sorry for worrying you,” she mumbled softly.  
  
Nabe gave her a long, hard glare. “Damn straight you are! Pull something like this again, and I’ll kill you. Dead. Deader than dead. And then I’ll find some way to bring you back to life and kill you again. Have I made myself clear?”  
  
A beat of silence. Then, a hasty nod.

“Good girl.” The jōnin turned away from her, reaching for the pitcher of water on the bedside table and pouring it with stiff grace into a paper cup. In one detached movement, she presented it to the younger woman, watching her with a shrewd gaze and a dangerous smile.  
  
Matsu lay still for a few moments longer before she braced her hands against the mattress and pushed herself into a sitting position. Wordlessly, she accepted the cup offered to her and downed the contents in one hurried gulp. Flashing through some one-handed hand signs, she hummed as soon as she felt her mind connect to her mentor’s.  
  
 _How long have I been out for?_  
  
Nabe wasted no time in responding verbally as she was wont to do: “Fourteen hours.”  
  
 _Shit._

“Nearly gave Kamizuki and Hagane a heart attack when they found you slumped over your desk, you know. Brats didn’t think you were breathing. Caused quite the ruckus, I’ve been told.”

Matsu winced. She could only imagine what sort of gossip that scene had caused. Judging from the smug look on Nabe’s face, it was probably pretty bad and ridiculously far-fetched. No doubt it was all over the village by now. There was nothing she could really do about it, not from her hospital bed.  
  
 _I suppose I owe them an apology._  
  
She wasn’t friends with either of the chūnin, but had been known to exchange greetings with the duo in passing. They seemed nice enough, but their goofy shenanigans reminded her far too much of… someone she wanted to forget. For that reason, she tended to avoid interacting with them outside of work because it hurt too much. And she was quite the coward.

It seemed that Nabe-sensei was taking great pleasure in her newly discovered misery. Matsu was hardly surprised. It was such a Nabe thing to do, and she had known the elder woman for years.  
  
“You could always send them flowers,” the plump woman suggested. “Or if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, offer to treat the two of them to Mariko’s. I’m sure Inoichi-sama would love that.”  
  
 _I guess._  
  
But the question was would she be willing to sit down with the two men and force herself to act social for a few hours? If it would stop jichan from nagging her to go out and mingle for once, then maybe she could.  
  
The sound of a bag of chips being opened snapped her out of her thoughts. Nabe promptly began stuffing chips into her mouth with one hand, the other gesturing towards her wildly. “I would suggest going with the latter option,” she said, flicking crumbs from her chin.

Had she any energy to spare at all, Matsu would have dodged the food particles masquerading as weapons easily. Unfortunately for her, she was still sluggish with her movements and probably would be for a few days. Chakra exhaustion was no joke, and the fact that her actions had landed her in the hospital was a big wake-up call. How troublesome. She brushed the crumbs from her blouse with a frown.

“I’m sure the brats would love going on a _date_ with a pretty girl in the hottest tea shop around.”  
  
Matsu gaped at her friend in horror.  
  
 _…Eh?_  
  
“Look at you! Matsu-chan’s a big girl now, getting ready to experience the wonderful world of threesomes!”

_E-EH?!?_  
  
She didn’t know how to respond to that. Matsu didn’t even think she could, especially since Nabe seemed content with mentally broadcasting extremely suggestive images of her and her acquaintances in ridiculous and X-rated scenarios. Feeling her face heat up in embarrassment, the Yamanaka quickly cancelled the mind jutsu before slumping over the railing.  
  
 _She did that on purpose._  
  
Doing her best to ignore Nabe’s cackling, Matsu raised one hand to rub the back of it against her closed eyes. Yep, that was definitely a migraine coming on, the pressure steadily building beyond her temples. She bit back a groan, slowly reclining her body so that she was lying down on the cot once more. Once situated, she rolled onto her stomach and shoved her face into the pillow, hands reaching up to cover her ears. It was a childish pose, she knew, but the chūnin couldn’t bring herself much to care at that point. Nabe-sensei’s suggestions were not the punishment she had been expecting, but thinking of what she had seen in her mindscape only moments before still left her reeling.

Apologizing for causing undue stress to both Hagane and Kamizuki was going to be even harder now that she more than likely wouldn’t be able to look them both in the eye without flushing in embarrassment. And oh, wouldn’t that only add fuel to the rampant fire that was the Konoha gossip network?  
  
 _Ah, hell._  
  
“Rest up, Yamanaka. I’ll be back to go over the game plan with you later!”  
  
Matsu knew that she couldn’t break one of her bones, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Engaging a pregnant woman in battle was really in poor taste; engaging a pregnant _kunoichi_ in battle was just plain stupid – not to mention she was still pretty exhausted from the stunt she’d pulled only fourteen hours before. Yes, she’d seen better days.

Peeking up at her friend, she watched the woman waddle from the room with thinly veiled amusement. As soon as the russet-haired woman disappeared from sight however, her facial expression morphed to one of indifference. _I’ll rest for now, and then later I’ll get myself sorted._  
  
She certainly had a lot to think about now. Perhaps a trip to Mariko’s would allow her some peace of mind. If she played her cards right, maybe she wouldn’t have to sit with her acquaintances either. She was well aware of them frequenting the tea shop when off duty. There were several alternative options to presenting the duo with a latent apology-slash-thank you gift. She could always pay for them without them knowing. Or maybe she could pick up some desserts and inconspicuously leave them on their desks as thanks.  
  
The fact that she was actively trying to avoid what she thought of as unnecessary social conventions must have spoke volumes of her character. She hadn’t always been this way. Were he still alive, she was certain her teammate would be taken aback with how much she had changed over time.  
  
 _Forgive me, Kazumi._

* * *

 

A cool breeze hit her face, flyaway wisps of her hair fluttering aimlessly, hanging into her eyes, and she did her best to push it back, so that she could better examine her present company.  Cool grey eyes sized up the woman who stood before her with her hands on her hips, red lips curled into a smirk.

She was rather short for a jōnin, and as full-bodied as any Akimichi with a short spiky mop of reddish-brown hair and sharp sloe-eyed gaze, diamond-shaped clan markings decorating her cheeks. She wore a pink kimono with the kanji for “food” on the back in red underneath black hakama and heeled shinobi sandals. Her hitai-ate was nowhere to be found on her person, but the most interesting aspect of the woman’s appearance, Matsu noted immediately, was the jagged scar running from her left ear to the corner of her eye. Matsu did her best not to stare, knowing her mother would be disappointed in her if she did for too long.

“ _You’re_ our sensei?” A voice cut in from her right, the boy seated beside her looking skeptical, his arms folded against his chest. He was dark-skinned with unkempt brown hair and brown eyes, wearing a long-sleeved fishnet top underneath a sleeveless red shirt with black pants and the standard shinobi sandals. Matsu took the time to study him discreetly, trying to recall what the boy’s name was, but drawing a blank. He had been in her class, hadn’t he? What was his name again?

“Why yes, I do believe I am,” the woman said, raising a brow at the boy’s impudence. “You got a problem with that, brat?”

Rather than answer, the boy grumbled irritably under his breath instead. “Why’d I have to get stuck on a team filled with a bunch of sissy girls?”

In the blink of an eye, the redhead shot forward and punched the boy on the head, hard. He promptly crumbled to the ground, clutching his head and moaning in pain. Matsu blinked. _Idiot._

“Were I an enemy shinobi, you’d be dead by now, you little shit!” The woman snarled, baring her teeth and shaking her fist. “You should know better than to underestimate the power of a woman!”

“Mercy, mercy!” The boy shouted, sitting up. Matsu sighed as she noticed tears streaming down his face.

Perhaps it was not for a lack of trying, but she found herself straight faced, watching the scene with some interest as she passed a hand over her bangs to sweep them behind her ear.

“What are you crying for?” The incredulous tone caught her attention, and Matsu glanced to her left to find her remaining teammate shaking her head in disgust. Despite the frown marring her pretty face, Matsu thought her appearance to be ‘doll-like’ – what with the pale skin, long black hair, and dark eyes. She wore a blue qipao and the standard shinobi sandals.

“Stop! You’re embarrassing yourself, Kazumi!”

_Kazumi, huh?_

Honestly, the boy had nothing to complain about. Here he was criticizing his sensei and his teammates – all of whom were members of the fairer sex – when his namesake was feminine. ‘Kazumi’ was generally used as a girl’s name. Rather than point this out to him, Matsu chose to stay quiet and observe. With the familiar way in which the girl had spoken to Kazumi, Matsu got the distinct impression that the two were friends, if not acquaintances and with some surprise, she found herself feeling left out. She frowned. She didn’t like the feeling very much.

“Shut up!” Sensei snapped, garnering everyone’s attention once more. Shoving an opened bag of chips that had come from seemingly nowhere into Kazumi’s face, she all but ordered him to eat. Kazumi gaped at her for a few moments before he hesitantly took some chips and began shoving them into his mouth, one by one.

“There are only two acceptable reasons for men to cry,” the jōnin announced, ticking off the reasons on one hand. “Reason one: when your parents die, and two? When you get kicked in the nuts. You have no good reason to carry on with that shameful display of unmanliness, so stop with the blubbering! That’s an order!”

“H-hai!”

It was almost comical, the way the brunet seemed to comply so quickly. The woman had certainly left an impression on him. Matsu’s first impression of her was that she was used to having people listen to her without question, and was not to be taken lightly.

Nodding approvingly, the hot-tempered Akimichi smirked. “Now that that’s out of the way, let’s finally start with the introductions. I am Akimichi Nabe, your newly appointed fabulously sexy jōnin sensei!” Matsu could only stare as the woman – _Nabe-sensei_ – posed rather provocatively then, winking towards her students as a spotlight fell upon her form and she positively glittered from head to toe.

No one said a word for a good few minutes, absorbed in the genjutsu.

“Well?” Nabe barked, looking annoyed with the lack of appreciative gazes. Nothing but silence answered her, crickets seemingly chirping in the background. Eyebrow twitching, Nabe gritted her teeth. “You brats don’t know how to appreciate true beauty when you see it,” she muttered.

“Alright, Loudmouth,” she said, clapping her hands together before pointing towards the only male present. “You’re up first. Introduce yourself to the peanut gallery. You can tell us your likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future – whatever you feel like sharing.”

He gave a nod, looking determined, and abruptly stood up, bag of chips still clutched in hand. “Name’s Akiyama Kazumi! I like weapons, especially the naginata, and hope to learn to use it in combat someday! I dislike strong perfumes and bullies. As for my hobbies, I- uh, I like going to the hot springs! My dream…” Kazumi trailed off, looking thoughtful. “I want to be remembered as someone really strong and honorable after I die!”

Matsu stared at him before she looked down in silence, knitting her hands together in her lap. If she were to be honest with herself, she had not been expecting his dream to be so… well, _mature_. It was very different from the way she had seen him behave thus far. She had pegged him as someone childish, but perhaps that was not the case. Not quite. Judging from the look on Nabe-sensei’s face, she was not the only one who thought Kazumi’s declaration unusual.

“And you?” Nabe said, gesturing to the girl seated to Matsu’s left while shoving Kazumi back to his seat.

The girl in question gave an awkward bow, nervously glancing up at their teacher. “Hello. I am Imatome Chisuzu. I like fortune telling and spending time with my grandparents. I hate confrontations. My hobby is embroidery. My dream is to surpass my sister, as a kunoichi and eventually, as a homemaker too. Someday.”

“Very good,” Nabe nodded before she turned to gaze upon the quietest of her students, who said nothing, but stared back at her with a rather sullen expression. She raised her eyebrows to prompt her to speak.

Matsu suppressed a sigh, feeling all eyes on her and hating the attention. “My name is Yamanaka Matsu. I like puzzles. Not fond of public speaking,” a momentary pause as she met Nabe-sensei’s eyes with a pointed look, eye slightly twitching in annoyance. Nabe grinned.

“My hobby is gardening. My dream for the future? I don’t really have one.” _I would like to make friends with you all. Please take care of me,_ she added wordlessly.

“Hey!” Kazumi shuffled closer, invading her personal space to scrutinize her up close. Matsu’s eyes widened. Too close, the boy was too close for comfort! She scrambled to put some space between them, her face flushing in embarrassment. “I didn’t know you could talk!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“You’re actually really cute, Matsu-chan!”

Matsu sputtered in disbelief, shoving the boy away from her. Chisuzu facepalmed.

Nabe cackled. “Thank the gods Hokage-sama stuck me with an interesting bunch! Ladies and-” she turned to Kazumi with a feral grin, who shrunk away from her, looking fearful, “my fellow loudmouth, I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship!”

* * *

 

Matsu sensed them before she saw them, the world a flurry of sounds and pulsations, a plethora of chakra systems felt all crowded together in one location, hushed conversations and joyous merriment drifting to and from her ears.  There were always heartbeats to listen for, and to feel.  Heartbeats of civilians and shinobi alike, men and women, the weak and those of strong will fluttering – blue flames flickering with every breath as a subtle reminder to the woman lost amid her thoughts; this is what they fought for, what they all fought for.  Was this fleeting peace not hers to partake in as well?   _Maybe not._

Opening her eyes, the chūnin kept to the shadows, observing the hustle and bustle of the streets down below from her perch.  Many a ninja went about their day, shinobi passing through, looking for a variety of things to fill their needs, with some – only those who could sense her presence – shooting her looks, others blissfully unaware of her presence at all.  The perks of being a sensor nin were that she knew what to look for, knew to differentiate persons by their own unique chakra signatures alone.  She easily picked her targets out from the swarming crowds, concentrating on two in particular while taking great care to continue to mask her own.  It would not do to let them onto the fact she was watching them.  Perhaps even conducting research in some strange, perverse way, so that she might better plan a strategy to… well, to attempt social interaction accordingly.

If Nabe knew of what she was up to, she would have laughed her ass off. Probably would have said something about her turning into a common stalker. Matsu scoffed at the thought. No matter if it held some grain of truth to it. Had she her way, she would never willingly own up to it.

_She would also say I’m acting the part of the coward._

Obnoxious laughter attracted her attention, and she cut her gaze to the group of men marching together towards their destination. Off to Mariko’s Tea House, like wooden toy soldiers dressed in their standard fatigues. It was safe for her to assume the men were on break – that or shirking off their duties, which was not uncommon either.

A wry smile stretched across her face as she caught snippets of conversation. Complaints about previous missions. Complaints of boredom. Something about an upcoming party with dates, bring your own sake. No going stag allowed. A collection of groans.

_“You going to finally muster up the courage to ask Mitarashi out, Kotetsu?”_ A career chūnin with an eye patch concealing his left eye ribbed one of her two targets, raising his brows expectantly.

Kotetsu could only stammer indignantly in response, his face akin to that of a ripened tomato. The men around him chuckled heartily, and Izumo quickly moved to clap him on the back. The spiky-haired chūnin eased up slightly at the contact, but from the looks of his red cheeks and tensed shoulders, Matsu figured he was raring to go.

_“Oh, now that’s a laugh!”_ said a man wearing shades, smirking haughtily. _“What makes you think Konoha’s resident Snake Mistress would ever take an interest in a lowly chūnin like you?”_ It was meant to be taken as a harmless joke, but even Matsu bristled at the underlying hint of derision heard in the man’s tone.

Kotetsu growled, reaching into his holster for shuriken, but Izumo grabbed his wrist. _“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ko. We’re right outside the shop. Relax. We don’t want to cause a scene, okay?”_ He said with a warning tone before he turned towards the man in shades, and promptly smacked him upside the head. _“Shut the hell up, Aoba! I don’t see_ you _going off and asking Anko-san out either, so lay off Kotetsu, already, will you? Shit.”_

There was a murmur of agreement amongst the group, the tension dissolving as soon as Izumo cracked a joke, dragging Kotetsu along behind him by his wrist.  The group headed into the tea house, and she heard no more.

She blinked once, twice, mind racing with all that she’d overheard. Matsu couldn’t help but feel as if she had listened in on a conversation that was not meant for anyone outside Hagane’s and Kamizuki’s circle of friends, and it made her feel slightly guilty. Nabe would have had a field day with the juicy gossip, but she felt strangely protective, if only because she was meant to be thanking her acquaintances for helping her, not airing their personal tidbits. It was not her story to tell.

Sighing quietly, Matsu pondered her next move, deciding to keep what she had heard to herself.

She waited a few minutes more before curiosity combined with the stiffness of limbs provided enough excuse for her to leap down from the roof of the weapons’ shop she’d been stationed to the ground below, landing gracefully in a crouch. Matsu stood with some difficulty, and did her best not to sway as she took careful, precise steps towards the tea house. She was still exhausted and tended to tire a bit quicker than the norm, but did her best to keep her facial expression neutral. Any onlookers would never know how tired she truly was with the way she carried herself; she was the picture of ease, her head held high.

Inside the shop, she took in the sights with rapt attention to detail, grey eyes immediately noting the reflective surface from the outside that showcased the view of the main street. Further down, she could see the stadium, shinobi idling by none the wiser of being observed, which prompted a nod of approval.

A young waitress with an immaculate appearance and air of elegance approached her, introducing herself as Ai with a formal bow and asked Matsu to follow her to a free table. Matsu followed the young girl quietly, absentmindedly noting she couldn’t be much older than her little cousin, Ino. Possibly mid-teens? Thinking it rude to ask, she sat down and thanked Ai with a ghost of a smile and a nod of acknowledgement, surprised and yet pleased to find herself in the back of the room. Left with the menu and a promise to return, the young waitress went off to greet the newest visitors, leaving Matsu to her own devices.

She skimmed through the menu, deciding on a cup of tea and indulging in a simple pastry without much trouble. Placing her order was another ordeal entirely as she struggled to relay what it was that she wanted without speaking, and knitted her hands together tightly to stop herself from forming hand signs that would allow her to communicate with Ai telepathically. She did not think it the best idea, unwilling to scare the young civilian with the jutsu. Though calm and altogether expressionless on the outside, Matsu was a mess of emotions internally.

Almost as if she could sense her anxiousness, Ai disappeared without another word before reappearing again with a hard-faced man in tow, who introduced himself as Sora politely with cool detachment. His most notable feature, Matsu thought, were the stress wrinkles lounging casually on the skin just underneath his eyes.

“I will be taking care of your orders from here on out, Kunoichi-san,” he announced, dismissing Ai with a wave of his hand. Ai sent one last reassuring smile towards Matsu before she went on her merry way.

Matsu met Sora’s unsmiling gaze, lips pursed into a thin line. She had to hand it to him, for a civilian, he was rather adept at concealing his emotions. If she were to be honest with herself, it certainly piqued her interest – enough so to distract her from her original goal. And though she refused to attempt speech of any kind, her head made up for the ramblings her mouth did not utter as too many thoughts, all jumbling and entwining and intermingling seized her then, strangled her, and made it difficult for her lungs to procure air.

She inhaled deeply, focused on breathing. _Kazumi, help me. Please give me strength._

“Shall I fetch you some daifuku with matcha tea?” Sora asked suddenly, arching a brow.

Humming thoughtfully, Matsu let her hands hang demurely at her sides, loose and easy. A few more moments of heavy bemusement before she gave a firm nod, to which the waiter bowed low before turning on his heel, heading off to fetch her order without another word. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

_Well, that proved to be… interesting._

Oh, what she would give to know how the severe man had guessed what she wanted without her saying a word. How strange. Perhaps she might come again, one of these days, if only to assuage her newfound curiosity.

Absorbed in her thoughts, Matsu missed the searching gazes both Hagane and Kamizuki sent her way.

* * *

 

Painfully shy as a child, it had never been easy for her to make friends.

She stuck close to her mother and father, preferring plants to people, and of learning the many different meanings of flowers during precious time spent with her uncle. When asked why she liked to go off on her own rather than to mingle with kids in her own age group, the little six year old would merely shrug her shoulders and look thoughtful. “It’s quieter when I’m by myself,” was the answer that she would give, baffling those who listened.

No one seemed to understand what she meant, but that was to be expected. How might someone know of the voices she heard in her head? How might someone know that she heard unbidden thoughts from any and all she approached? The ability seemed to be beyond her control, beyond her comprehension. Those who cared for her were concerned of her health, noticing the dark circles that began forming underneath her eyes. A child was meant to sleep in peace, not be kept up at night by thoughts that were not her own.

It wasn’t until the little Yamanaka divulged her secret to her mother that all hell broke loose.

_I hear a lot of noise in my head… people speaking, but their lips don’t move. Why’s that, Mama?_

* * *

 

It became a routine for her to visit the tea house, at least once a week.

If Nabe wasn’t popping into her office to drag her off for tea, then Ino was knocking at her door, nagging her about her health and giving her that scrutinizing look that screamed she was every bit her father’s daughter. Matsu was [fondly] exasperated with the two, but resigned herself to being placed on what she liked to call ‘watchdog duty’. She came to enjoy those quiet moments of peace spent blissfully alone or in the company of her sensei and younger cousin, sipping her tea and nibbling at whatever pastry Sora had deemed it time she try. The unsmiling man seemed to be something of a mind reader with the effortless way he picked up on what she wanted without her talking.

It was something her cousin had no problem commenting on.

“I’m glad you’ve made a new friend,” the younger blonde admitted quietly one day out of the blue, focused on the dango stick in hand and unable to meet her eyes.

_Mm?_

“You worry me sometimes, neechan,” one moment: a comforting blur of faces, the muted thrum of activity all around them, and the next Ino’s suspiciously glassy green eyes before she shuffled closer to wrap her arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. And Matsu allowed it, though with both hands occupied holding her hot cup of tea she could do little more than offer her younger cousin a semi-awkward pat on the back, leaning into the girl’s warmth. “I just want you to be happy.”

_Oh, but I am. More than you know._

A rather indelicate snort was her only answer, to which Matsu tugged Ino’s ponytail lightly in warning.

“Insufferable nag,” she murmured tonelessly, without real heat behind her words.

Letting go of the chūnin so that she could meet her gaze, Ino made to retort, but found a stick of dango shoved into her mouth. Matsu radiated innocence, sipping her tea delicately with all the nonchalance of a daimyo’s daughter.

Ino glared up at her mulishly before she took the stick from her mouth, and huffed. “Mean.”

_Never said I wasn’t, Ino-chan._ A hint of a smirk quirked her lips.

“I can only assume you will be taking some desserts to go, Kunoichi-san.” Sora’s sudden appearance had Ino starting in her seat, green eyes wide with her mouth hanging open.

Leaning forward and with one hand, Matsu gently guided it closed before she turned her attention to Sora and nodded. The man bowed before he went off to fetch the bill. At her cousin’s questioning look, Matsu winked, easily canceling the mind jutsu with a single hand sign before she settled comfortably back into her seat.

Rather than inform Ino that the treats were not for them to take home, she let the girl draw her own conclusions. It was partly because she didn’t feel like owning up to the fact that she had been inconspicuously leaving Mariko’s desserts at the gates on the days when she knew two shinobi in particular would be stationed there, but also because she wanted to test the girl’s perceptive faculties. If she discovered what was going on, knowing Ino, she would ask one too many questions – questions that Matsu didn’t really have the answers to.

The first time she had left Kamizuki and Hagane desserts, it had been meant as a thank you. But then she’d seen the twin looks of surprise on their faces from where she’d concealed herself, heard them whooping in pleasure, and it had amused her terribly. How such a small act of kindness could bring someone so much joy was puzzling to her – puzzling, but fascinating all the same; and so she continued to leave them a little something every so often, secretly delighted every time she heard the duo bragging to anyone who would listen about how their “fangirls” truly appreciated them enough to leave them food.

Nabe was the only one who knew of what she was doing, but then again she could hide nothing from her sensei. The woman had some sort of sixth sense for all things Matsu related, of this Matsu was certain. That or Nabe had figured things out by correlating the days her favorite Yamanaka visited Mariko’s to the days Kamizuki and Hagane received treats from their so-called ‘anonymous admirers’.

_“How those two idiots came to the conclusion they’ve got fangirls will never cease to amaze me,”_ The Akimichi woman had commented dryly one day, rolling her eyes. _“You couldn’t have chosen someone smarter than those two to befriend? Damn.”_

Matsu had merely shrugged in response, feigning ignorance.

“You’re not going to tell me who those are for, are you.” It was more of a statement, not a question.

_She’s learning._

Ino busied herself with finishing off the last dango stick, not really expecting an answer.

Matsu’s glance to her gave nothing away as she reached forward and patted her cousin on the head. It was a gesture with just the right amount of highly amused teacher and condescending older sister figure vibes all rolled into one.

* * *

 

Her mother was less than thrilled, gray eyes staring daggers at the older man with the bandaged face and the cane that stood off to the side, chatting courteously with her father. Matsu tugged on the sleeve of her kimono to gather her attention, peering questioningly up at her. Her father’s sudden laugh startled her, and she frowned at the sound, dropping her hand back to her side, wondering if she was the only one who thought the laugh forced, scarcely more than a gasp of breath.

“Who’s that, okaasan?”

Yamanaka Momiji met her daughter’s gaze with a serene smile, reaching down to tuck the little girl’s flyaway hairs back into place. “No one important, Matsu-chan. Don’t worry about it.”

_It would be a cold day in hell before I let that man near my daughter, knowing what she can do._

Matsu blinked, wondering if her mother realized that she’d heard her thoughts. It was easy for her parents to forget that fact when they were so focused on one thing or another. The fact that her mother seemed so intent on keeping her away from the strange old man made her feel curious if not slightly uneasy. If her parents didn’t like him, then it was probably best she keep her distance.

“Let’s go find your uncle, okay, baby? He hasn’t seen you in your new kimono yet, and I’m quite sure he has some chitose-ame to give you!”

The seven year old spared one more tentative look towards where her father was before she let her mother pull her in the opposite direction.

* * *

 

In retrospect, things probably could have gone better than how they did.

Then again, Matsu had trouble picturing her friend acting as what some might refer to as _normal_ , not even somewhat _average_. There truly wasn’t anything normal, or average for that matter, about strolling through the doorway of the Akimichi’s household and promptly preparing for battle, armed with nothing but paperwork and dry wit, especially not with the sudden onslaught of miscellaneous pots, pans, and cutlery being thrown her way at breakneck speed. Dodging as many items as she possibly could without relinquishing the ironclad grip on the papers clutched to her chest, the Yamanaka wondered if Nabe would decide it was the perfect opportunity to lob the kitchen sink at her head.

Swiftly evading a pair of chopsticks before they could embed themselves into her cheekbones, the somewhat bemused chūnin decided it was time to bring this friendly… _spar_ to a close.

Narrowed grey eyes studied her opponent, waiting for just the right moment to make her move. She held her breath. _Now!_

Rushing forward, the young woman released the papers in hand in one fluid movement before she flashed through several hand signs, a heavy bamboo cutting board sailing directly towards her head. Before it made contact, Matsu’s body flickered out of sight in a cloud of smoke, the cutting board, and a cast iron teapot she’d substituted for her own body, clattering to the ground.

Nabe tensed as soon as she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, her current weapon of choice – a ceramic pot her boyfriend had gifted her on their third anniversary – hefted high above her head. She heard the blonde cough quietly from behind her, but did not relax her stance, beads of sweat pouring down her face.

Matsu didn’t think it wise to put down the knife she held to the woman’s neck. Not yet.

“You’ve got some nerve walking in like you own the place, only to threaten me in my own home, brat,” Nabe grit out. “Attacking a pregnant, defenseless woman does not make you strong, or smart for that matter. More along the lines of an idiot with a death wish.”

She heard a soft, beleaguered sigh from behind her before she felt the familiar feeling of her mind linking to her former student’s with a gentle touch. Matsu’s voice soon reverberated throughout her head.

_What exactly have I done this time to aggravate you to the point that you found it absolutely necessary to attempt to assassinate me the moment I walked through the front door?_

Nabe’s answering grin was particularly vicious, practically feral. “Your reaction time is still as superb as ever. Good, good, now that I’ve gotten your attention. Shall we sit down for tea?” she chirped, purposefully ignoring the fact that she had just previously accused her friend of attacking her for no reason and potentially plotting to murder her in her own home. Feeling eyes boring holes into the back of her head, she waited until she felt Matsu withdraw the knife from her person before she moved forward to place her favorite pot onto the marble countertop.

“Hm, we should really clean this mess up before Higashi comes home. Might’ve overdone it.”

_Just slightly,_ was the rather dry response she received.

Nabe scoffed, dragging a hand through her hair. “How else would I have known how to gauge your skill set?”

Matsu shrugged her shoulders. _You could have just asked me for a spar, you know._

Both women exchanged looks before as one and in perfect synchronization, they shook their heads. No, that was certainly not the best of ideas. It would be better not to risk hurting the baby. Matsu would never forgive herself if something were to happen to her goddaughter and she was at fault. The thought was unacceptable, she could hardly bear it.

Shaking her head to rid herself of negative thoughts, she surveyed the entirety of the room with a gimlet gaze, taking note of the broken glass scattered across the floor and the papers haphazardly strewn about. A deep frown marred her face, and she inhaled deeply, taking to one knee as she exhaled. Rolling up the long sleeves of her shirt, Matsu dedicated her energies towards tidying up the mess. Nabe kneeled down beside her and got to work, ignoring the disapproving looks the younger woman threw her way.

_You shouldn’t be on your knees. There’s glass here, and it’s very possible for you to hurt yourself._

“I’m not fragile, Matsu-chan. Really, you should know better by now. I am quite the beast,” something dangerous flashed in the woman’s obsidian eyes, and then it was gone.

Matsu could attest to that statement very well from her own experiences as she knew firsthand how _dangerous_ the Akimichi woman truly was. The silly spar they had partaken in before could be considered child’s play; it was not the worst Nabe-sensei could do, and certainly not the worst Matsu had endured. On the battlefield, the plump woman had been known to be ruthless, shattering skulls with her bare hands without batting a lash, and crushing those who dared to stand in her way with her clan’s renowned body expansion techniques. In times of war, Nabe had thrived and lived to tell the tale.

It was an intangible badge of honor she wore with both pride and shame.

Still, Matsu couldn’t help but worry. It aggravated her that her friend could brush off her concerns so easily, as if it truly didn’t matter if she nicked a finger or two.

For this reason, she appointed herself the task of cleaning up the broken shards of glass. The biggest shards were carefully picked up and placed into the waste basket, the remaining fragments meticulously gathered into one large pile to be removed with the broom. While Matsu had checked the linoleum floor as far as fifteen feet away from the point of impact just to be safe, Nabe collected the forms Matsu had brought along with her and neatly placed the stack of papers onto the kitchen table. Pots, pans, and cutlery were washed thoroughly in the sink before being dried by hand, and placed away inside the cabinets.

The two women worked together in silence until all evidence of a scuffle had been cleared away, the room practically gleaming in its cleanliness.

Nabe clapped her hands together. “Now that that’s all taken care of I’ll put on the kettle, and you go and make yourself comfy.” Her attempt to make it sound like more of a pleasant suggestion rather than an order fell flat.

Used to the plump woman barking orders, Matsu snorted softly and claimed a seat at the table, reaching for the stack of forms she had brought along with her for the visit.

With her back to the blonde chūnin, Nabe busied herself with preparing the tea and gathering her thoughts. It was obvious to her that her former student knew something was up, and she had every right to be suspicious. Matsu had known her for years, was well accustomed to her lack of predictability and her flair for the dramatics when she wanted to distract from the true objective – just as she knew of the younger kunoichi’s admirable capacity for patience. Still, Nabe wasn’t in any rush to share her thoughts at the drop of a hat.

When the tea was served, Nabe took her seat, the table rocking a bit on one shortened leg. She gestured towards the papers, arching a brow. “What have you brought me today?”

_I’ve successfully managed to acquire the forms needed for you to expand the crèche._

Nabe perked up at that, smirking into her teacup. “Mm, that’s very good news.”

Hearing she had earned the approval from the right departments to expand her business left her feeling rather smug and rightfully so. The idea to start a nursery care center for shinobi children had been inspired by friends worrying about whom to leave their kids with when sent away on long-term missions outside the village.

It was fairly common for extended families to help with child care, but many households – typically those of the clanless shinobi variety – included fewer relatives that could offer help, which meant outside support was crucial in enabling shinobi to juggle their families with their careers. The civilian sector had a few daycares to choose from, but tended to be rather inflexible when it came to shinobi parents due to differing mindsets. Orphanages were often used when there were no other options, but even then there was no guarantee that there was space available to house the kids for however long the parents were away. And in the event the parents did not return from their missions? Things could only go downhill from there.

With Chouza-sama’s permission and blessing, Nabe had taken a risk and founded _“Happy Days”_ from her own home, a 24 hour child care center catering primarily to the children of shinobi.

The philosophy of her business was to maintain a safe, secure environment where children could experience many happy days of childhood interacting with others in their age groups and developing bonds with future teammates before being admitted into the Academy. Basic information regarding the kids’ needs was required when considering enrollment. Any personal information regarding the shinobi parents was kept strictly confidential and on a need-to-know basis. Contracts were drawn up before Matsu transcribed them in code and sealed them away into the filing cabinets Nabe kept in her bedroom.

In the beginning stages of Nabe’s brainchild, it had just been her and a few Akimichi clan members in charge of the small group of kids entrusted into their care. It was no surprise that a majority of those kids were Akimichis, Naras, and Yamanakas. She had all but bullied her boyfriend and Matsu into helping out around the place when they had time to spare as well.

It had been Matsu’s idea to advertise the child care center through the Konoha gossip network. All it really took was a few clan members praising the concept for word to spread, and spread it did. Like wildfire.

Slowly but surely, Happy Days began to attract more and more shinobi parents and parents-to-be looking for an alternative to child care. The fact that a waiting list had had to be established due to limited space available these days astounded them all. After all, Happy Days had only been around for a year and a half. Nabe was looking forward towards renovating her home to better accommodate a larger group of kids as that was her current goal. She was eager to get started!

_You’ll be happy to know that I’ve transcribed and coded quite a few more contracts for you to take a look at._

A small smile curled slowly over Matsu’s lips as she passed the paperwork off to her sensei, watching the woman look through everything with a massive shit-eating grin.

_You should know that I’ve spoken with Shibi-sama recently. The Aburame clan is interested in endorsing Happy Days provided their children’s particular needs be met._

“How’s that?”

Matsu looked thoughtful, taking a sip from her cup. _I would imagine Shibi-sama will discuss the finer details with you at a later date… if you would be willing to meet with him, that is._

“Of course I would!” Nabe exclaimed, her voice gradually increasing in volume the more she spoke. “If you happen to see him again, please let him know I look forward to meeting with him very soon.”

_Right._

Nabe presented her with a radiant smile as she pushed the papers aside. “Thank you for all of your hard work, Matsu-chan. You always manage to go above and beyond—”

Feeling her cheeks flushing in embarrassment, the Yamanaka woman ducked her head, focusing all of her attention on her teacup. She never knew what to do with herself when she was being praised. It wasn’t as if she disliked being recognized for the amount of effort she put into things because truthfully, the chūnin did have a bit of an ego. She was just a bit more discreet about it than others.

“—which is why I decided to recommend you for the upcoming jōnin exams again this year.”

The teacup abruptly shattered in her hand, hot liquid searing her skin and seeping into her clothing. Matsu barely flinched, facial expression void of emotion. _“No.”_

* * *

 

He had been the sort of person who liked to proclaim his dreams to anyone willing to listen.

_“What are your dreams for the future, Matsu-chan?”_ he asked her the night Chisuzu tearfully announced she was arranged to be married. He had been twelve going on thirteen, and she thirteen going on thirty.

That night she angled her face to the sky and looked to the stars for an answer. Her answer lacked any real substance, if only because she honestly hadn’t thought to consider her future. Not since her parents’ deaths took their tolls on her psyche.

As a Yamanaka, she knew very well how _fragile_ the mind could be. That she lived for the moment and was content to ride by the seat of her pants when she had always been a dutiful child, meticulous in the way she planned ahead and crafted contingency plans had her uncle raising his brows.

Kazumi was no different, but he seemed to suffer from a strange disease that warranted him to run his mouth without considering the consequences.

_“Know what I think? I think you and me are going to become legends someday- hey, don’t laugh! It’s true!”_ he had been so offended to see her muffling her laughter into her palm. _“Everyone will know our names because of how exceptional we are. Our partnership will be the talk of the village!”_

She had made the mistake of humoring him, protuberant eyes glittering in amusement.

Then Chisuzu had cut in with a question she had not entirely expected – one that left her feeling anxious to hear Kazumi’s answer, dread coalescing in the pit of her stomach.

_“What about when it’s time for you two to settle down respectively? What then?”_ The other girl had been resentful, unable to meet either of her teammates’ gazes as she spoke.

Her fiancé was of a civilian background – an academy dropout with an unforgettable face and too much money to waste.

Chisuzu’s elder sister was originally the one meant to be married off in the arrangement, but she had backed out at the last moment, having run off with a shinobi fifteen years her senior. The duty now fell to Chisuzu to smooth things over between the Imatome and Matoka families.

Unsurprisingly, she wasn’t taking it well. Matsu hardly blamed her.

_“I have no plans to settle down anytime soon.”_ She didn’t think herself the marrying type.

Kazumi gently took her hand in his then, looking uncharacteristically serious.

He said their partnership was something special, claimed that eventually he would be the one to cause Matsu to reconsider. She had merely stared down at their joined hands as Chisuzu stormed off, wondering why she felt as if she was missing something, something important.

For all that she was bright, matters of the heart never failed to mystify her.

When it finally registered that Kazumi had full intentions of _marrying her_ come the future, that he had practically confessed to her his feelings, Matsu had done what she always did when troubled.

The skittish girl had fled.

He was her best friend, and she loved him. Just not in the same way he seemed to love her.

Kazumi had known even before Nabe-sensei had forced her to sit him down and set him straight. He had been kind and understanding, which only seemed to make things worse.

Matsu wanted to give him a chance.

It was only fair, she reasoned. He was stubborn and resolute. Whenever he put his mind to something, he had always managed to persevere despite the odds stacked against him. She was under the impression that he would manage just fine in attaining her affections.

After all, he’d already won her friendship, her unwavering loyalty. And she believed in him. She believed in everything Akiyama Kazumi stood for.

Then, he went and got himself killed.

And for the first time, Matsu lost herself to bloodlust, murder glinting dangerously in stormy flecks of gray.

She was never the same.

* * *

 

Three days of solitude did nothing to smother the panic she felt internally.

She reverted back to the routine from the ‘golden days’, when things were far simpler and when she was less of a mess. When the first rays of sunlight scattered through the multicolored mason jars strung up in front of her bedroom window, casting rainbows on her thighs, Matsu reluctantly stood from her bed and padded her way to the bathroom to start her day. After a quick shower to sharpen the senses, she brewed herself morning tea and went about checking her plants.

The stroll to the Intelligence Building allowed her to scrutinize those who were bold enough to be awake before noon. Matsu would wave and nod to those she knew, but she never stopped to chat. Her feet guided her to where she was needed most.

The Intelligence Building welcomed her with its grim atmosphere, long hallways devoid of activity. She strode past the workers’ station with a nod of acknowledgement towards the guards on duty and took a sharp right turn, headed for the staircase that would lead her down into the basement. _The Crypt_ was a large library-structured room with a line of desks towards the back intended for the members of the Cryptanalysis Team. There were numerous vertical files scattered throughout, a desktop computer nearly hidden from view in the corner. Only the team head was permitted to use it, its use restricted to anyone else excepting extenuating circumstances and express permission.

As she stepped into the room, she reached up to tie her hair at the back of her head. A clearing of the throat caused her pause and she turned around to meet her supervisor’s gaze.

“You’re not on rotation. Not for a few days, actually.” His dark eyes were shadowed and intense as they studied her face.

She shrugged, shoving her hands into the pockets of her trousers. It was the only outward sign of emotion displayed, but it was enough.

Nara Mitoku was no fool. He knew his subordinate well enough to know when she was uncomfortable. Yet he was not the sort of person to call her out on it, and for this, she was grateful.

Still, she could not help but squirm under the weight of his stare.

Matsu licked her lips. “I thought it would be best to check up on things for today as I heard Yurika-san is still recuperating in the hospital,” she said, her tone soft. “I apologize for my presumption, Kachō.”

His gaze was on the far wall as he lit a cigarette. “Ah, is that so.”

After a moment of silence, during which he smoked and she continued to gaze at him apologetically, he finally spoke up once more.

“While I don’t necessarily mind that you’re taking the initiative, I fear your presence here will be more of a hindrance than a help.”

She blinked at him and considered whether or not she had heard correctly.

He sighed. “You’ve had quite a few people requesting to speak with you the days you’ve been absent. The occasional visitor is acceptable, yes,” he said, “But multiples? With no real purpose other than to locate a single person. You can imagine how much of a distraction this posed to the team’s progress.”

Embarrassed, Matsu bowed her head. “My most sincere apologies. It will not happen again.”

“You are one of our best and brightest cryptographers, Matsu-chan. I have no doubt that you will put things right.” Mitoku inclined his head, a lazy smile tugging at his lips.

“However, you still have yet to learn that _off-duty_ means just that. See to it that you relax while you still can. I think we can manage without you for a few more days.”

Her answering smile was hesitant, if not a little pained. Matsu had meant to throw herself into work to distract herself from thinking of what Nabe-sensei had done, but it would seem fate had other plans. She was less than pleased, but said nothing more. This was the Nara’s way of punishing her, she was sure of it.

_That sneaky, meddlesome old man._ She got the feeling he was laughing at her; it was in the way he disguised his snicker as a cough, and nearly choked on his cigarette as a result. Matsu smirked.

Her boss not-so-subtly pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his middle finger before he dismissed her with a curt nod of his head. She wasted no time in body flickering from sight.

With nothing else to do and nowhere to go, Matsu headed straight for the one place she felt most at ease.

* * *

 

Inside Mariko’s she took up her usual seat in the back and waited to be noticed, grey eyes instinctively scanning the room for familiar faces. The tea house was only half full, but it was still early in the morning. It was only a matter of time before the usual crowd bustled onto the scene, but by then Matsu would be long gone.

She would only stay for an hour at most and then be on her way, so that she might avoid running into those who were intent on seeking her out to chat. She thought of Nabe, and then shook her head. While Matsu knew she would have to face her eventually – that did not change the fact that she was upset with her. She had no interest in participating in the jōnin exams regardless of the fact that she was qualified to take them; the fact that her sensei had gone ahead and nominated her for them anyway put a bad taste in her mouth.

There had been a time when she had dreamed of achieving the jōnin rank, but that had been alongside her best friend. It had been Kazumi’s influence that had pushed her to work harder, to keep pushing past her limits. Had it not been for him, she doubted she would have ever passed the chūnin exams on her own. That he was no longer around to push her stung.

Her current rank satisfied her. Was that not enough?

Nabe didn’t think so, had said as much. The russet-haired woman thought Matsu was wasting her potential, sitting behind a desk all day.

_“You have the makings of a spy with your family’s techniques, perhaps even the aptitude of a saboteur. Yet you go about your days, decoding encrypted messages.”_ She had said, reaching out to gently clasp her hands. _“Always isolated in the village, rarely abroad. You follow the same routine day-in and day-out with no time for change, no room to grow. It’s pathetic!”_

Matsu had sat through the lecture feeling numb, staring the Akimichi down. She had not known what to say to her, had not known how to react. She hadn’t even realized she’d cut up her hand until Nabe had pointed it out to her.

_“What would Kazumi say if he saw you now?”_

One single question was all it took for her to shut down completely. She had fled the house without another word.

She knew. Were Kazumi still around, he’d be very disappointed in her. Hurt, even. He had only wanted her to be happy, to succeed; and she was her own worst enemy, hindering any further development as a shinobi, and as a person. She had stunted her own growth. How pitiful.

_I am the worst sort of person._

“Matsu-chan!” a raucous voice boomed from somewhere nearby, and Matsu flinched. So much for drowning her sorrows in peace.

“Been a while since I saw you last, yeah? Where’ve you been hiding?” Murata Higashi inquired, the giant of a man sliding into the seat directly across from her.

His smile reached his eyes as he beamed at her and she flinched again, shoulders tensed and her gaze shifty. She placed her hands in her lap, so focused on flashing through hand signs she missed him frown. It was there one minute, gone the next.

_Hello Higashi-san. To what do I owe the pleasure?_

The tokujo let out a breezy chuckle. “Come now, Matsu-chan. I was just passing through when I saw you and thought to say hello.” He raised a brow. “Am I not allowed to check up on my friends every now and again?”

She pursed her lips, but did not take the bait. _No. No, you’re allowed to do as you please._

Matsu was near certain that he had not come over just to make small talk. She and Higashi were on friendly terms – enough so to be considered friends, but she had never been as close to the man as she was to his girlfriend. While Nabe had not come for her, herself, she had obviously sent her boyfriend in her stead. It was her mentor’s sneaky way of gauging if she were still upset.

“Have you managed to place an order yet?”

She glanced up at him quickly before she shook her head.

He grinned, cheerily waving one of the wait staff over to their table. “I feel for sweets. Do you feel for sweets?” he asked her as Ai appeared ready to take their order. Matsu shrugged.

The young waitress greeted her customers with a respectable bow and a sheepish smile. “Apologies for the wait, but we’re a bit shorthanded today,” she explained, bowing again. “What can I get for you two?”

Removing his bamboo hat from his head to place it off to the side for the time being, Higashi scratched his bald head in thought. “I’m thinking Matsu-chan will have some yujacha tea. I would like some as well please.”

He went on to order a variety of sweets – some of which Matsu recognized, others she was unfamiliar with.

Ai sent her a reassuring smile, promising she would simply love Inoue-san’s most popular desserts as they were _to die for_. Matsu raised a brow at the young girl’s choice of words, but nodded, forcing a small smile in return.

As soon as the girl had left the table, Higashi spared a glance towards Matsu.

“You don’t mind that I ordered for you, right?”

_No._

He hummed, bobbing his head.

Matsu busied herself with examining the bandages that covered her right hand, tracing an old scar with her eyes.

Higashi gave a short sigh. “You should have a medic look that over.”

She agreed because agreeing was the quickest way to avoid a hassle, but they both knew she would do no such thing. Matsu didn’t see the point in it. The cuts she had sustained were not as deep as they looked, and she was an exceptionally clean person, so the probability of her getting an infection was quite low. It would just be a waste of time and chakra.

“You know,” he hesitated for a fraction of a second before he soldiered on, “Nabe-chan means well. She said something about you learning to heal – a need to let go and move forward, look towards the future. I don’t remember her exact words, but you get the gist of it, right?”

Matsu understood what he was trying to say, but found it hard to hear. She would have never expected him to be so outspoken with her. The tokujo was usually a bit more sensitive than that.

He looked at her earnestly. “Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough?”

She stiffened, her heart pounding a repetitive baseline against her ribs.

_You are mistaken, Higashi-san._

The stare that he slanted her way then was hard and disbelieving. He didn’t believe her for a second.

It irked her far more than she was willing to let on, she wouldn’t give him the _pleasure_ of knowing how much he had gotten to her.

That she had resorted to sassing the bald man telepathically spoke volumes of how far she’d fallen. _Well then, are you here to absolve me of my sins?_

Higashi made to reply, but by then Ai had returned and with the drinks he had ordered for them in hand. To Matsu’s surprise, Sora made an appearance soon after, carrying a tray of mouth-watering desserts. The tray was delicately placed onto the table before he straightened and bowed his head respectively. “Shinobi-san. Kunoichi-san. Will that be all?”

“Wow! These smell delicious! I believe that will be all for now, Server-san.”

Sora raised a finely sculpted brow at that and turned to address her, his lips pressed into a thin line. “And _you_ , Kunoichi-san?” he asked her, careful in tone and diction. “Will that be all?”

Internally she was at war – a mess of uncertainty and bitterness and anger. She was furious with Nabe for trying to push her into something she felt she wasn’t ready for, furious with Higashi for allowing his girlfriend to get him involved in the situation, and furious with herself for feeling helpless. Right then and there, more than anything, the blonde wanted to bolt. But she didn’t.

Matsu made eye contact with the waiter and held his stare before slowly, she inclined her head. “Yes.” she said. “Thank you.”

Her lips twitched as she caught Sora’s stunned expression before he managed to school his features back to the customary aloof professional mask he wore. He said nothing more, nodding curtly before he turned on his heel and left her alone with her annoying companion.

“Nabe-chan was right to think this place has done you some good,” Higashi murmured, sounding thoughtful. “I see you’ve made a friend.”

She hefted a sigh, suddenly feeling weary and slouching forward in her seat.

“You feel comfortable here, enough so to chat with the waiter.”

_I suppose I do._

It wasn’t until he spoke that she realized how true the statement was. How curious.

This was kind of a big deal.

Matsu might not have been ready to move forward just yet, but as it was, it would seem that things had changed. _She_ had changed. And it was surely a step in the right direction. Or so one could only hope.

“Will you agree to participate in the jōnin exams?” Higashi asked, unsure as to how the Yamanaka woman would respond.

_I will reconsider,_ she finally conceded with reasonable grace. _But, I make no promises._

Higashi grinned. His Nabe would be relieved to hear as much, and very pleased. Mission accomplished!

Reaching for a flaky dessert, the tokujo decided to lighten the mood and reward her with good news.

“We’ve finally decided on a name for the baby,” he informed her cheerfully.

_Oh?_ Matsu perked up at that.

“Mm, yes. Her name will be Yuzu.”

“Yuzu,” she whispered reverently. “I like it.” Her smile was genuine.


End file.
